Another year gone by so fast. This has probably been the most eventful year of my life. It started with me rethinking my religious views. Dropping God was always taboo until I found the bravery to do it. The only downside was that was that my reason to live had vanished. I believed you lived to be a good person to get into heaven. Now their was no heaven. Over the course of the year I learned a great piece of advice from my ex, eagle, "Live life to live." I didnt understand it when he said it, in fact I said it wasn't a good enough answer for me. Now I understand it though I fail to explain it. I also learned that one should live to be happy.
I got very depressed for a time and came up with a theory; A relationship will make me happy. Not power, money, friendship or anything ells was working. The Lion King Role Play I was doing even failed to make me as happy as it once did. I was so lonely. Being in the closet didn't help either. I was living my whole life underground hiding from fear.
Eventually I met a really great guy named Brenton. I fell for him in 3 days. He was so kind and sweet. But he was taken. I wanted to be with him so bad so I waited. I talked to him every night for 2 months. Allot of privet stuff happened but in the end it didn't work. I was a mess, kinda desperate from heartbreak.
I was introduced to this shy, gothy guy named eagle. I talked to him for awhile, the eccentric things he was into fascinated the hell out of me. At first I said we'd never work but the interest and fascination got the best of me. I never would have known that I'd date him for six months. eagle was one of the most amazing people I ever met in my entire life. We had issues in our relationship, but it was usually on my part. I was insecure, jealous, clingy, am childish and much much more. I tried everything in my power to fix it, but by the time I began to get things on track it was too late. Too much damage had occurred. I exploded into depression like never before.
For a time there were allot of changes going on. Including a change with Steam Powered Giraffe dropping Jon. In the position I was in I overreacted and lashed out, I think I hurt them. At the time I was selfish and on the verge of suicide. Everything seemed so hopeless. Then I became desperate once again.
I met Isaias online and got to know him. I was so desperate I was willing to settle for anything. I made a huge mistake. I got engaged and he betrayed me. I was devastated. I had trouble moving on, I begged him to come back... I couldn't think straight. Then something hit me. Friends. I had affected my friends very negatively and thats what im working on now. but one great thing happened.
I met a man who loves and respects me as much as I do him. I'm in love and I couldn't be happier. Anthony is going to be a big part of 2013. Im so excited to the future. Things are looking up.
Happy New Year <3
