Many people know me as a kind, calm, overall together person. I may seem happy and care free but that's because I'm repressive. To the point were I could cry but would rather smile. Or be filled with rage and laugh. I can't say I don't like to make a scene for attention every once in a while. But mainly in public I'm seemingly happy.
Sure I'm aware its mentally unhealthy but I have reasons to why I hide my true emotions. First off, I feel less likely to be loved by others if I'm always sad. Secondly, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. That would be stupid. Lastly, I need to fake happy because it gives me a sense of real happiness, when needed. I'm not continuously sad all the time.
But at home I guess my emotions "build up" and I sometimes, well..."explode." I can get pretty crazy too. I once threw a broomstick through my bedroom door. This is hard for allot of people to imagine, I think... Their are pressures that I'm working through as well. I usually just yell allot. Not anything physical anymore. I think I'm getting better...I don't know? I do have good intentions.
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