Obsessions pt.1

I'm irritated, stressed and overall tired. My mind is going a mile a minuet. My thoughts are dark, full of hatred and hurt. Life is changing fast. School is almost over, like 4 monthes. I hate when people ask me what i'm gonna do after school ends. I have plans but their not somthing I want to rush into. I currently have 115/220 credits required to graduate. Graduating isn't somthing that is important to me. I don't really have a reason why.

I've been studying myself lately and I learned why I get obsessed so easaly. My whole life I've felt people know more about stuff than me. I would want to have a chance to know more about somthing than them. So I'de take somthing that interested me and learn everything about it. Take The R.M.S. Titanic for instense. It's a 882 1/2 foot oceal liner, designed by Thomas Andrews. The captain was Edward John Smith. It was trying to make headlines by arriving early. It hit an iceburg on it's starbord side and sank at around 2:00 am on April 15, 1912. 99 years ago. Thats without looking up anything.

I've done it with alot of things other than Titanic. Their's Back to the Future, Xena, Pokemon, Over the Hedge, Photography, Wolfey (school mascot), Michael Jackson, and as of lately The Fantastic Mr. Fox. It's a odd habit that I think i've made sense of. Also I figure if I decide to like somthing, i'm gonna like it more than anyone ells. And I get mad or depressed if sombody appears to like somthing more or knows somthing more about somthing I like. Lets change the subjuct...

My blog is slowly dying. I have 91 posts including this one. I just don't have ideas and interesting enough thoughts to post. My life is boring. I may post alot more when I go through with my plan at the end of the school year. It's gonna change my life, make me a better person in some way, and probably have lots of people lose respect in me.

I want to talk about somthing thats bothering me lately. I don't like myself. I work hard to cover my flaws be in the end they become appearent. To tell you the trooth and I believe I posted about this before. I'm not as mentaly innocent as everyone thinks. I pretend to be because it's better for my image. I pretend that I hate cussing, hearing it, doing it. In reality I've been verbaly abusing my family sense I was 7. I cuss all the time... at home. I also pretend to be innocent to sexual innuendos and such. I have the dirtiest mind in the world. Just somthing I wanted to put out there.

I've been cleaning my room lately. Havent sense two years ago. My room is huge!It's a project. I keep finding hidden treasure. Also bugs but i'm working on it. Dumpster after Dumpster of stuff on a weekly bases. I think I've filled about 10 of those black trash cans lol. Took down my bed and rebuilt it. I'm organizing slowly. I'll continue telling you this later.