Laptops and Tortises

We had to give the desert tortoises away because grandpa can't take care of them any more. Of course I was pissed off and depressed about it. I want them back when I'm grown up. I'm getting the baby ones this week. Their is four of them.

My laptop cable broke again. Those cables are put together so shitty. I bought it for $50 about 9 months ago when my other one broke. They tare easily and the little box parts go out.

I can't wait till I'm out of this low point, I fear it won't be till after Christmas. I have one once or twice a year. It's best it's just ignored because I get over my problems and things go back to normal. I think the last time I was really depressed it was after Comic Con 2010.

The posts on my blog honestly should never be taken seriously. I created my blog so that I can vent, it's my person to talk to. When I tell it what I need to, when I say what I need to say I feel better. I feel like people are taking this all to seriously. My blog is for me and my record and if you people wanna read it, that's fine. But you might not always like what you read.

Laptops and Tortises

Nothing

Who am I kidding anymore. I've got nothing. No talent, no looks and no skills. I'm a nobody, pretending to be somebody i'm not. And my world is nothing but pain and unhappiness. Who are you Bobby Wolfey? I thought I had the answers, it was all figured out in my mind. Here I am lost, back at the beginning trying to figure out who I am again. I've been living a lie for two years now trying to better myself for the rest of the world. The world doesn't need a better person, it just needs me. It's to hard to keep up the act. I try so hard to keep good moral standards so I can be better than everyone ells. I really do feel like i'm better than everyone ells. I admit this because I don't care what people think any more.

I work hard, writing songs. None of them any good. What I hate is my horrible voice. I hate it, so much. I here a playback and think to myself, I'll never be anyone. I don't like the way I look. I guess I hate myself all together. I have no self esteem and deserve the worst of things in life. I'm a bad person. You can tell me otherwise but it wont change my mind. I'm sure their's some good that others see but most people haven't seen the bad side of me. At home it's apparent. I live with allot of fear and guilt.

Do others have time for me? No. Sure I have lots of "friends" but are any of them there when I hit rock bottom? Rarely. I do feel very guilty wasting their time with my problems. It's not like i'm worth it or anything. I want all my friends to just be happy. I can cheer myself up over time. Just keep busy and ignore how depressed I am. I wish I had the answers. People can tell me i'm not alone but I am. I deserve to be. Right now at this very second, I am nothing.

I sort of feel it important to say that I am not suicidal. People who commit suicide are selfish pigs who only hurt the people around them. As bad as I am, I'm too good for suicide. I'm sticking around for ever.

!!!60 Finished Songs!!!

Honestly, I thought I finished only half this amount. I started writing in 2009 and am still writing today. Actually I finished a song tonight. Here is a list of all my finished songs, for the record. :D

03/02/09 Please God Save Me Now

03/02/09 Please Come Back To Me

03/03/09 Let Music Be Your Destiny (Musics Message)

03/12/09 Forever Nighttime

03/16/09 It's Egypt

03/17/09 Stuck Together Torn Apart

03/17/09 What I Am

03/23/09 Memory To Set Me Free

03/26/09 Stuck On The Line

03/29/09 For You

04/18/09 Unite

04/21/09 Obey

04/22/09 Time Took A Tole

05/05/09 Unbiased At Best

05/27/09 That Look In Your Eyes

05/27/09 Life's A Party

05/28/09 Howl Wolvesbane

05/28/09 To Late To Stop

06/03/09 Last Will

06/04/09 The Book Of Life

06/--/09 Beat Down

07/02/09 Beautiful Soul

10/02/09 No More

10/22/09 Planet Odyssey

11/04/09 Musics Rhapsody

11/20/09 I Think On My Feet

11/20/09 Happy Times

11/--/09 Our Sign

12/10/09 Seize The Day

12/18/09 Your Eyes Of Our Lives

12/17/09 The Rule Of The World

12/29/09 Protest Of A Family

01/02/10 Young Lust (And Now Ends Love)

02/19/10 All For Love

04/01/10 Will I Get There?

08/04/10 I Feel Like Crying (Suicide Girl)

09/05/10 You Push Me

10/12/10 Tonight I Believe

10/19/10 Slaughter Song

11/18/10 In Control

04/05/11 Power

07/03/11 Home

08/16/11 Roosevelt Avenue

08/16/11 Is He Dead

08/21/11 Bobby Wolfey

08/27/11 The World VS. My Mind

09/03/11 Daddy's Love

09/03/11 Revelations Of A Revolution

09/20/11 Mr. Warny

09/20/11 Heat Stroke

09/26/11 The Meaning Of Life

09/26/11 Till The Car Sees You

09/--/11 Disneyland (Oh Boy)

09/27/11 Dreams Of Flying Hills

09/--/11 Chin Guy/Kermy

09/--/11 Bicycle Bisexual/Monkey No More/Childcare

10/06/11 Surprise (Bennett Birthday Song)

10/11/11 The Heart Wants (What The Heart Wants)

10/26/11 Paining Away

10/27/11 Mind Over Matter

No Fun, No Work

I'm irritated tonight for a few reasons. I miss having somebody to talk to. Sadly their is nobody I can trust at the time though that's a chronic problem I have being as paranoid as I always am. I'm probably overreacting as I tend to do. I'm lonely and looking for a soul who understands my views on life though they are changing. Society and it's rules are still my enemy but my mind is opening new doors. For instance as I was making my friend Bethany's album I was looking at song structure. Then I thought, who says I have to write my songs to this format. Then I started to experiment with it and my way seems to be working. I have a why not attitude but i'm lazy. I'm experimenting with allot of things in life right now though. I'm writing and that seems to be going OK. But some kind criticizing says if I study some other writers work I'll improve. Honestly if it's not good enough now it's not worth it to me to put work into it. If I'm gonna have a talent its gotta come all natural. Unless like with songs its fun to work for it. If work isn't fun or if something isn't fun i'm not much interested at all. I'm having fun creating and voicing cartoon characters though. Well that's my venting for tonight.

Full Moon Over Disneyland

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Waking up to Disneyland

The next morning we awoke bright and early to a nice hot breakfast. I accidentally spilled half a bag of shredded cheese on mine. Mary asked me if I brought my CD's for the car, that's when I was really kicking myself, hard. One of my favorite things to do it to listen to my music in the car. We went and picked out some CD's in her collection. Among the chosen ones were Elton John, The B52's and Jessica's Dads album.

We took two cars up, Andrew and Jessica in one and Mary, Bethany, her friend and I in the other. Bethany napped most of the way. I listened to Jessica's dad's album then Elton John's greatest hits. We finally arrived at The Paradise Pier Hotel. It is a very nice hotel themed around the beach.

We walked to Disneyland were I bought an annual pass. We went into California Adventure to get fast passes for World of Color. It's a show I skipped last year and wasn't to enthusiastic about seeing this year. We went on to Disneyland and just kinda walked around for awhile. Whinny The Pooh was the first ride we went on. We then met Jack Skelington. As we were in line we saw The Big Red Boat which Bethany and I were calling Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride. Tom Sawyers Island was next. We met Ted the bird. The island has changed allot. People can no longer climb upon rocks and such.

As we got off the island we saw Br'er Fox and Br'er Bear from a distance. We also saw Tigger and Pooh. Then I got to watch Captain Eo. We went on The Haunted Mansion which was decked out for Halloween. As we were getting off the elevator part the ride got overcrowded and broke down for 5 minutes. While riding it it broke down again right at my favorite part in the ball room. Were the spider covers the hole in the glass. I love pepper's ghost affect.

It was onto California Adventure.... To be continued...

Working up to Disneyland (Friday September 30)

Well I've been to Disneyland twice an I haven't blogged about it yet. I should probably do that now. Well two Fridays ago I got in the car and went to help Sean with some home schooling computer stuff in Lakeside. The gave him the book for Microsoft Office 2003 to work from. The computers in the office only had Microsoft Office 2007. I searched each computer for 2003 but couldn't find a trace of it. Then I asked for help and the front desk lady couldn't find it either. So she said, "just use the book with this version." I wanted to yell, it was so frustrating. You can't use that book with the updated program because the layout is completely different. Nobody knew what they were doing in that damn homeschooling office. Sean and I decided to just work on it another time. Then we couldn't find mom for 20 minutes. We finally found her in some back office talking to the smart computer teacher. In the end he dropped that class.

We all got in the car and I realized it was too early to go to Jessica's house. Since we were in Lakeside it would be a waste of gas to go back home then drive back out to Jessica's house. So I thought, lets visit grandma. So I called her cell phone and my cousin Aaron answered. She apparently gave her phone to him. So mom called her house and she was excited that we were coming to visit. We got there and she was sitting in her rocking chair with her new puppy she got the day before. I showed her some pictures on my iPad as mom told her about Grandpa's accident. The I got a text from Jessica saying I could come over. So mom finished up the conversation and we went down the street to Jessica's house.

Jessica and I packed her stuff up and the watched Disney's Tangled. Well, most of it. It was time to go because Jessica's dad had to go to work. We got dropped off at Bethany's house were we found her and her friend Genevieve playing Legos. Bethany's dad got there and it was time to go to Jessica's cousin Andrew's house in Temecula. We worked out the seating in the car in advance. I sat by Bethany so she could here the album I made her for the first time. The album is made of songs I wrote around inside jokes. I think it was a hit. That album really gave me a chance to try new techniques with Audacity. After the album was over we listened to random songs on my iPad. Bethany discovered a song called Up Up And Away. We finally got out to Temecula.

We walked in and I said hi to Jessica's aunt Mary and Jessica's grandma and a few others. Aunt Mary had a bird on her shoulder named Papuni (not sure if I spelled that right) which I forgot about. I went to give her a hug and bumped him. We ate some hot dogs and macaroni. Then we rode over to the place were Andrew and his band Farabee were gonna be playing. It was a competition thing. We listened to a few heavy metal bands before Farabee went and performed. Honestly I hated it their because it's not at all my music style. But when Farabee took the stage their music wasn't as heavy and their singer had a nice falsetto style voice. I liked Farabee. Everyone ells made music that was too heavy for my taste.

When we got back to the house I changed into pajamas and went to eat cake, ice cream, and a hot dog. I also went to take a shower. It was really hard to fall asleep. I don't know if it was the vast sugar intake or the excitement but it was difficult. Then i'm almost asleep when Andrew walks in and hands me a Banana Slurpee. I was a bit suspicious so I walked into the hall to make sure it was safe to drink. I drank most of it while I watched Mary look at the Disneyland website. That's more sugar by the way lol. Then I uploaded pictures and went to sleep.

The Emotion Test

Tonight I was belittled by a cyber bully. The fallowing is the conversation that occurred. It started with a post on Facebook about me getting a job as a sign twirler for a pizza place.

Bobby Wolfey

So I think I'm gonna get a job as a sign twirler, it's kinda fitting with my energy level.

• • 

    Him · Friends with Mistar Reed and 2 others

    it's hard work

    3 hours ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey not for me

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Delete CommentMark as Spam

    Him · Friends with Mistar Reed and 2 others

    have you ever done it?

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey Anything is easy if you let it be easy.

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Him ·

    not necesarily. It looks fun but trust me, I've been workin since I was 10, it gets old fast

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey only if you let it

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Him ·

    hopefully that mentaility will get you through it......

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey You make it sound crappy. Good thing I see most things in a posative light

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Him ·

    Look, all work is work. I love all work. I'm just saying that the "glamour" may rub off pretty soon. don't act like you're better than me either. because you are not

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey It's not work if you enjoy it.

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Him ·

    You aren't getting my point. work is fun i enjoy working hard and finishing what I start. WORK is what kids today should be doing

    2 hours ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey I'm still not getting your point.

    about an hour ago ·
  • 

    Bobby Wolfey oh nevermind, I dont care

    about an hour ago ·

The post and comments on Facebook moved to the chat section. It begins below...

Him:

you're such a dumb disillusioned fuck

Me:

why?

Him:

u have no real perception of the world

ur living in a fairy tale

ur how old?

and still havent got a job

c'mon man get it together

its not that hard

Me:

Just because I get to have an easy life doesn't mean you get to make judgments about it

Him:

its not an easy life!

its a wasted life!

i would never want your life!

Me:

I dont want yours either

Him:

and whys that?

because there's now michael jackson in it?

*no

Me:

Because I dont wanna be some rude jack ass

Him:

I read your blog!

Me:

i dont care

Me:

your mom does everything for u

you're a spoiled brat!

start helping your mom out

Me:

yep

Him:

i read your blog

its garbage

you are the definition of what's wrong with this country

wasting your time doing shit that is useless

Me:

Well I dont much care about the country

I'm an artist, planning

Him:

no no no

your shit is lame

ur dancing sucks

not actually a fan

people are probably making fun of u

Me:

well everyone is entitled to their opinions

Him:

its time to wake the fuck up

Me:

Dont bother me

what people think

Him:

you're gunna wake the fuck up and help ur mom out

Me:

no

Him:

Yes yes you are

and lose some weight fatty

Me:

I guess that fifty pounds i lost wasnt enough

Today

Him:

no, no it wasnt

Me:

I like the way I look

Him:

good for you! good for you!

u duckin drama queen

Me:

ok

Him:

you are not special

your life sucks

Me:

thats true

Him:

its not the good life

so stop acting like it u r

Me:

My life will be what I make it

Him:

mine is sooo much better

Me:

What i reinvent it to be

Him:

and ur music sucks'

Me:

is that the best you got?

Him:

your mom should have just swallowed u

Me:

Their is not one thing you can say that could hurt me.

Him:

woah dud that's so cool

Me:

I'm not trying to be cool

I dont want to be cool

Him:

ok we get it, ur trying to be unique

Me:

yep

Him:

really working

Me:

Maybe not in your eyes

Him:

in everyone's eyes

u r not unique

you r no better than justin beiber! even though he's cute as fuck haha

Me:

thats ok

Him:

god damn....now im turned on hahaha Jb is sooo hot

Me:

Is this some kind of moodswing or trap or something?

Him:

lol i had to take the psat surrounded by hot boys

Me:

So your gay, nothing wrong with that

Him:

biiiii

Me:

bisexual

thats ok too

Him:

hbu

Me:

excuse me?

Him:

how bout u

Me:

me?

Him:

YES

Me:

im straight

Him:

thts not wat i was asking dumbo

Me:

clarify ?

Him:

yeaz oueaz aeaz reeaz geaz ayeaz!

Me:

?????

Him:

decode it

Me:

I dont have time for this nor do I care

Him:

you have time

you r not doing anything else beter with ur time

Me:

Ya, anything is worth more of my time than waisting it on you

Him:

decode it

now

friendo

Me:

friendo? I really dont consider us friends

Him:

ur a fag

in the bad use of the term

Me:

you think name calling hurts? Well I guess your trying

What is your hang up anyway?

Him:

pain hurts

you

I am pissed the fuck off

and sad

and my life is kind of in pieces

Me:

And your taking it out on me?

Him:

no you r adding to it

Me:

Your the one who barged in to my posts

Him:

no no no

ive been waiting for this day

to tell u wats wrong with u

Me:

What makes you all high and mighty?

Him:

nothing does, i never said i was, y do u say that

Me:

Maybe you should work on your own life insted of thinking you know whats wrong with mine

Him:

i do know what's wrong with yours. jesus told me

Me:

ok then, well it's not your duty to get into my life.

Him:

it is my duty though

wolfey sent me

Me:

Ok, what drugs are you on?

Him:

none, im straight edge

he told me to tell u "stop giving me hugs"

Me:

thats funny

Him:

but its the truth

laugh now

Me:

i am lolol

Him:

he also told me something about ur dad

Me:

ya?

Him:

idk if i shud say it tho

Me:

go ahead, wont bother me

Him:

he said hed be

at the gays days

Me:

so?

Him:

beat

Me:

?

Him:

u r a ...

...

F..

.A.

..G

u r a ...

FAG

Me:

woopie

fag? that is so weak

Him:

cool

Him:

want a cookie

oh wait no sweets for bobby

Me:

so?

Him:

ur gay

Me:

how do you get that assumption?

Him:

ur fat

and like michael jackson

Me:

whats your point?

Him:

ur gay and so is michael

Me:

ok then

Him:

damn ur dancing sucks

Me:

Your repeating yourself

You like to argue

I know why

Him:

why?

Me:

because its fun

Him:

umm no

Me:

really?

Him:

really

Me:

Well im having a blast

Him:

faggot fandom

Me:

keep them coming, though im growing bored....

Him:

i dnt give a fuck

Me

me either, what a coincidence

Him:

ur stupid

Me:

thats ok

ignorance is bliss

Him:

no

ur beef

Me:

beef?

wheres the beef?

Him:

u r beefy boy

Me:

I like it like that

Him:

no one else does

Me:

i like the terminology you used to describe it.

Him:

woah

Me:

well as long as im happy with it I dont care

Him:

well i gotta go have sex with a guy

Me:

have fun

It's been interesting knowing you

Him:

ur deleting me?

Me:

you had it coming

Him:just shows how weak u r

Me:

weak? no, tonight you showed me how strong i am and I do thank you for that.

Chat Conversation End

Then he went offline, I deleted him and blocked him. I accept my victory. I can withstand all words. I'm surprised that I won. But I had help. Someone I was linking the conversation to.

Another Reason To Hate My Brother Michael

Well I guess Michael and Sean got into a fight because Michael was drinking beer he stole from grandpa's house. Both Sean and I hate him. He is a jackass. I'm separating myself from him because the way his life style goes. In the end it's gonna kill him. You know, I can't do anything to stop it. Every time I say something to mom I get in trouble. I can't either control the fact that mom is a bitch. All families are fucked up I guess. So Michael can go die in a hole for all I care. I don't need him fucking up my already shitty mental health. If people only knew how messed up I am...

Song Talk 1

Album Songs:

In Control: I wrote this with a pop beat in mind. It's basically about someone so paranoid they cant think strait. I thought it would be a good fast past song to start out the album.

Adventure Of A Lifetime: Inspired by Disney, this song is about the adventure we all want deep in our hearts. It's basically me dreaming of my adventure. It's been a favorite on You Tube.

The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants: Acoustic guitar to a fast pace. This song is saying accept me for me. The Heart wants what it wants.

Life's A Party: Yes, I somehow wrote a techno song. This song is an experiment as most of them are. Their is a subliminal feature I didn't catch till recently. I plan to leave it in despite how obvious it is.

I Think On My Feet: This is my punk song. It's saying don't mess with me. Their is a small section of rap but it fits with the mood of the song.

For You: When your in love you'll do about anything for that special someone and this is what this song is about.

I Feel Like Crying: This is my favorite song that I wrote. It's a ballad about a girl who is going to commit suicide and does. It's narrated by me wants to save her.

Telepathy: More acoustic fun. This is a duet between a man whose friend was killed and the killer of his friend. The man whose friend is killed gets psychic powers and is able to read minds.

You Push Me: I wrote this with an irritated mood. It says shit which makes it not family appropriate. But when I put language like this into a song I always remember to enhance the mood with it and not create the mood with it.

Quickchange Baby: Sung in falsetto, this song is about a women changing her personality to fit every guy she's with.

Will I Get There?: This song is very true to me. It's just questions that I have. If I reach out to touch, if I try hard enough, will I get there?