Day of Death 2011

Last night I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 when mom came in and thought that the dog was dying. I know how mom can overreact at times so I shook it off and reassured her that he'll be fine. He is having problems. I went to lay down. I was so worried that I couldn't sleep. Because I thought when I woke up mom would have taken him to the vet and he would of have been put to sleep. The last thing I wrote on Facebook was, "I'm going to sleep though I'm scared of waking up."

I woke up this morning to loud banging on my door along with the shouting, "he's dead! Dads dead! He stopped breathing! I jumped up thinking, what? I was very confused. When I got in the car I asked mom if he was dead or if he was just not breathing and she told me that they just told her that he wasn't breathing. Mom was crying of course but I was just confused. On the way I decided that I wasn't gonna worry until I knew if he died for sure.

We arrived at the convalescent home he was recovering in and walked into his room. There he was covered in a single white sheet. I rolled it down and the confusion and surrealization came together. His head was held up by a rolled up towel. It seemed like we were standing there forever. I took a picture but I'm not posting it. Granny's brother came to help mom get stuff in order.

He was gonna go home today. He packed his things and was very excited. He was out in the hall in his wheelchair and he started having trouble breathing. They put him on oxygen but there was no change. He passed out and they tried CPR until the medics got there. After all the attempts he was still unresponsive. This can be a reaction from a blood clout which we think this is.

Now I sit at home not knowing what to do. Once again today doesn't seem real. I'm mad at myself for not being sad. Lately I feel the same all the time. Of course Sean is joking and laughing about it, Ide like to punch him out and Michael didn't seem to care. Michael's hung up on wanting this new phone. I wasn't as close to Grandpa as I was to Granny. We never really connected, and all the time we did spend together was awkward. We were two very different people. But I loved him and I'll always have memories.

Actually right now I'm really bored, I feel it irreverent to even watch TV, I'm just kinda sitting around... What a morning...