The End Of Love Volume Two: Rebirth

So technically I'm single but my ex and I are back on track in a sense. I'm still in love, madly in love but my ex doesn't feel the same way...yet. We have a deal/plan/contract worked out. Theirs ways it could backfire or go wrong. I just gotta be careful not to screw up again. I betray my ex which is the problem in the first place. I wish people would believe me when I say I'm the bad guy. I hate when my ex is blamed. I was the one who has been messing up from the beginning. Being jealous, controlling,yelling and scolding for things that can only be judged by opinion. Who am I to judge? Everything is opinion therefor nobody is right, nobody is wrong. This will soon (about 4 years) all be fixed. Me and my mate will fly off into the sunset into that good night and have an unrealistic ferry tale ending. That or we'll not anst that long and all sorts of bad horrible stuff will happen.

Desperate Housewives: Family and Life

All things must come to an end. It's been one of my biggest challenges to accept in life. Tonight a television show I've been watching for six years came to an end. It would sound silly to most that a t.v. show has touched me so deeply. I grew up with these characters. It's a show about life. When I used to watch it I would watch it with granny. That was around season three. I even remember the last episode that aired before she died which was the finally of season five. I used to tape it on v.h.s.tapes so I could watch it with mom. She would miss it because of work. Through all the good and bad it always seemed consistently there. It's taught me allot over the years. But some of the best lessons I've learned are from tonight's series finally. It's the reason why I gotta hold on to my mate no matter what because I know my love is real. The world will soon find out how much I really mean that. Allot came together to make a proper ending to the show. Desperate Housewives was me and moms favorite show, it was are thing and it couldn't have ended on a better day than mothers day. It's also grandpa's birthday. Everything connected in my life with tonight's episode. It's couldn't have been better. Thank you Desperate Housewives for being such a huge part of my live.

The End Of Love Volume One

So yes, my relationship is fucked. Excuse my language and everything it stands for. I actually have another blog post pending before this one so if they come up out of order, it's because I been working on the other one for a while now. So my mate and I might not work out anymore. Though....did we ever. Their was love but lot's of problems. Two completely different sets of standards and my stupid control issues. My personality's not exactly winning either though I could say the same thing about my mates. It's all a matter of opinion. I find more things are opinion then are fact. Things like, Stealing is wrong. < That's opinion. Yea, stuff like that, not that I steal things. I did do something bad recently. I'm a hypocrite now... I can't say what it is though... I hope everything works out. I don't want this relationship to end.

Childish

The last few days I've been anticipating the breakup of me and my mate. I've been over-stressed but It's no excuse for the way I acted tonight. I got really jealous and blew up. I threw two things. I through the biggest fit I've thrown in about five years. That resulted in me throwing my laptop across the room. My mate watched the whole thing from the other laptop. The one I'm using now. My normal laptop still works, just broke the fan. I'm not proud of what I did. I acted very childish. I'm a very childish person and as my mate said, I need to grow up. I don't know how to begin but I will. I'm actually sorta ashamed of my actions tonight. I want the world to know of the bad things I do. Everyone has got me pegged as someone i'm not. On a complete side note my standards are slowly dissolving away. Everything I ever learned is a lie conjured up by society and religion. Who can really say what's right and wrong. Not you. Not me. I'm thinking in a completely different cycle and you can think my mate for that. I am dealing with a war in my head. I can't wait for it to end, I'll be a completely different person.