I've been getting allot of kind words from different folks at the Cavalcadium. I would like too respond by saying that I am aware of my many talents. But I am also aware that my talents are flawed. I can't do it alone. I have the dream but not the smarts. Not the direction, because my mind is scrambled. I also lack effort.
Speaking of being alone, I can't be alone. I'm talking about me at home all the time. I hate it because theirs nobody to cheer me on. At school I was famous, I was The Michael Jackson Kid. I need people to feed off of. When I dress up and here people go "oh, it's Michael Jackson." It feels so wonderful. I don't really have many people to tell things to so I tell my blog. Which is the primary reason for it's existence anyway. I really only talk to select people, usually people i'm close to, or people whose opinions I greatly value.
Of course nobody knows the real me. That's someone I berried two and a half years ago. The real me was to flawed in my opinion to allow me to ever get noticed. So I picked out traits that I liked. Mainly Michael Jackson's ideals and beliefs, Changed my look and slightly heightened my voice and created Bobby Wolfey. The character being as perfect as I could get. I've evolved it from that since then. The problem is that every once in a while Bobby McGee will vent out or I'll get depressed and have to turn into him for awhile to let me out of the cage that Bobby Wolfey has become. I'm starting to forget my real traits and characteristics. It kinda pisses me off...
Actually being Bobby Wolfey in public all the time depresses me. Mostly when I'm not noticed, then I contemplate why I changed in the first place. When I'm noticed and loved by my peers and such I'm happy because my change is worth it. It sorta reminds me of Frankenstein in a way. Even though i'm usually sad all the time, I have become a good actor playing happy. I don't like to depress everyone ells. And note that when i'm talking about me being famous among my peers, that i'm not trying to sound full of myself. I'm not at all trying to sound full of myself, in fact I hate myself. Bobby Wolfey is a painfull facad covering Bobby McGee.
Being Bobby McGee again would be great but my image and the people of the world are more important then me being happy. I'm not the important benefactor in life. I live to serve others, at least thats how I see it... Oh....Here's to you Bobby Wolfey....
The most ironic thing in the world is that, even though you think you've buried yourself, that you have become your facade and forgotten your characteristics, it is really BOBBY MCGEE who possessed all those talents in the first place. Without a McGee to create him, Bobby Wolfey would not exist. So in a sense, Wolfey is you, just a different aspect of you that you like better and choose to portray to the world. It's your public face. And there's nothing wrong with that; we all show different aspects of our same personality to all different groups of people. But do not think that you have lost yourself. In the end, you'll find that you've been there all along.
ReplyDeleteI'm fairly sure all us Cavalcadians love you as Bobby McGee just as much as Bobby Wolfey, even though we knew your name as Wolfey first and will probably always refer to you as that. You are not full of yourself at all; you have every reason to believe that you are famous among your peers, because you are.